Just Breathe
by MissAtomicBomb77
Summary: Mackenzie finds out about Nina. A/N: Updated 09-03-2013. This goes A/U because I'm ignoring Genoa and the election.
1. Chapter 1

When you love someone, really truly love someone, you can always recall the feeling in the air. The air shared between two people, the warmth, the electricity, the catching of the breath and every once and a while, the sheer feeling of all of the oxygen being sucked out of the room.

She had wondered, after not sharing the same room with him for so very long, if it would be like the last time when they shared a room together and when all of the oxygen was sucked out of the room. The stricken look on his face (that she couldn't forget and haunted her) after she had told him about Brian. Yet, it wasn't like that.

It was more like standing in front of a volcano, oozing lava from a pulsing, open wound, something to that effect. He just radiated anger, hot smoking anger that spilled all over everything for those first few weeks. Just like lava, however, it began to cool. Yes, it was still all over everything and everyone, but after it had begun to cool and the people that they worked with could begin to walk on it and begin to function with every one of them navigating all of his resentment that was all over the place.

She had also been ready for him to throw things at her like a three year old child that didn't have the words to accurately and acutely express the anger that he carried for all of those years. The cold comments, the blatant smoking in her presence because he knew it was something she didn't like. He constantly, at first, was making her jump through hoops, dragging Brian into the bullpen so everyone could see the inferior man that she cheated on him with. By that point, she surmised, the whole team was involved at that point, why not show him off so they had a face to go with the name.

Then, with the beauty of time, things had changed. He still reminded her that she was in no way forgiven, but he had softened on some things. They had reached an assorted new normal, one step away from a truce between them, where they were able to function. Once the team understood the dynamic and landscape before them, all of them were able to move forward. Yes, Will McAvoy was not the easiest person to work for, with, or manage, but people could take their cues from her and the place actually began to function better than it had ever did before.

Mackenzie McHale couldn't have told you what was different when she woke up early that November morning. Maybe it was the excitement of the holiday season coming for them. Perhaps she was looking forward to the fellowship of the Thanksgiving holiday approaching. Maybe it was the fact that she was looking forward to her parent's visit in December. She wasn't sure what it was, but today felt good and everything felt right with the world.

She had stopped for her usual coffee from the café on the thirtieth floor and decided to skip the usual skinny version of a latte and picked the pumpkin spice. Something just seemed warm and comforting about the idea. She wished fleetingly that she knew how to bake a pie. That would be so nice, to have this smell greet her. She'd have no one to enjoy it with, but just dreaming of the idea made her feel good.

So imagine her surprise when she arrives on the floor and notices a light on. Not her office, his office. Her brow crinkles a little, because this means he didn't sleep. Or perhaps he never went home? She doesn't know why she passes the light switches, because that's part of her morning routine, a motherly impulse to turn on the lights for the staffers that will be wandering in a few hours. Her stride is a little more purposeful as she heads to his door, because she's feeling motherly and is starting to assemble a few choice words on how he needs to rest and he better not look completely shredded before he goes on the air today.

She opens the door to his office and the only words that she can manage are "Will what…" before the scene before her completely registers in her mind. He's sitting at his desk and is very much entangled in the limbs and body of Nina Howard who, up until that second was probably having a fabulous time.

Mackenzie is stuck in slow motion at first. The latte slipping from her hand doesn't even register with her brain. What does spur her into to motion is the stinging sensation from the splash as the paper cup crashes into the glass door and bounces off the floor, spilling hot liquid on her legs. Her legs feel the pain as she feels all of the oxygen being sucked out of the room. She can't breathe, she suddenly can't begin to breathe and yet her legs register to her mind only one thought: run.

Her laptop and her shoulder bag were abandoned somewhere in the middle of the bullpen. As she made it to the elevator bay one hand absently pushes the button for down as her shoes are somehow off her feet. She doesn't wait for the doors to open but finds the exit to the stairs and like that, she is gone.

Up. Her first thought is up. The concrete is shredding her stockings to pieces, but she's not even thinking about how she looks or the pain in her legs. All she can think is that she can't breathe. That there's no air left even though her chest is pulling it into her body to fuel this desperate escape. Air is all that she can think about and she continues up and up, waiting to bust through to the roof and attempt to breathe.

Maybe if she could start breathing again, she might be able to function again and move on.

Just breathe.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Yes, busted again. The first part was something I had written and the rest wasn't working for me. So, I'm going to try to work it out as I go. Thanks again for all of the public and private feedback. These sections will be short and inconsistent - and I'm going on holiday soon... I'll try to remember to warn you. Plus, I don't think they are going to be in the right order until the very end. I'm writing what feels right.**

* * *

Sloan Sabbath isn't sure what she's seeing, mostly because it's very dark with the only light being that of the emergency light and the sterile glow it gives. She has the sensation that she's at a crime scene as she sees Will stumble out of his office and though the bullpen towards the elevators. He trips over something and papers scatter on the floor. She's on the second floor heading to her office, but impulsively she leans over the railing and she sees the carpet at his office door, dark, stained.

Her mind is like a machine and the thousand thoughts a second tend to run though her brain almost come to a stop because she can sense that something has happened. Sloan slowly abandons her things and purposefully works her way down the stairs. In the background, she hears banging and cursing at the elevators and then silence. She's assuming Will's gone, but she's still not sure what she's witnessed.

She walks towards the office and glances at the floor, the bag, a shoulder bag and as she heads towards the lit office, she sees a flattened coffee cup in its doorway. Nothing is quite clicking in her mind until she comes to the door and sees a woman trying to gracefully put herself to rights. Sloan looks out at the bullpen and realizes the items scattered across the floor belong to Mackenzie and realizes that she has in fact, stumbled upon a murder scene.

"Nina _fucking_Howard."

To her credit, Nina doesn't say a word in response to her name as she gathers her purse and begins to make her way towards Sloan and out of the office. She can see that Sloan is ready to launch a few more choice words in her direction, but as best as she can manage, cuts her of as she leaves the office. "I knew it wasn't going to last." She tells Sloan in a low voice. "I just didn't think it would end in such a mess."

Sloan wants to scream at her for Mackenzie, to just take her apart right on the spot, but she's just so angry for both of them she can't manage to say anything as Nina Howard disappears towards the elevators to leave. Sloan stares Nina down as she calls for an elevator and after a long heavy silence, one arrives to take her away.

Once the elevator takes Nina away, Sloan finally starts to function again. She gathers up Mackenzie's belongings, gets them to Mackenzie's office and from the desk makes the call, because for the relationship that she has with Mackenzie, Sloan knows that she's out of her depth. She's fairly certain that this isn't the wakeup call he wanted, but Jim's the only one that can keep the ship running as Will and Mac, as Sloan's mother would say, 'sort their shit'.

"Jim, it happened." Then she tells him what she knows.

* * *

18 April, 2010

"I'll be honest, I don't know if I can do this." She finally tells him, looking at the bottom of her glass, giving the amber liquid a gentle swirl.

"I'll be honest when I say I don't know why you are doing this." Jim smiles at her, his hands crossed on the bar in front of him, an empty glass before him.

Mackenzie sighed. "Jim, I'm pretty sure I'm about to break the female code, if there is such a thing, but I need closure."

"Mac, I don't want to mean about this, but I'm pretty sure he's closed." Jim is wondering how much she's actually going to discuss, because they usually only get three or four sentences out about Will McAvoy before she shuts down. He rests his head on his arms watching her.

"But I need to know Jim. I need him to tell me. I can't handle the silence and since" She swallows the last of her drink and points absently at her side "the thing, I need to know."

"I don't buy it." He says as he waves to the bartender and indicates refills.

"Do you remember when we met?" She asked, changing the direction of the conversation.

"Yeah, of course I do." Jim sat up as the bartender refilled his glass. He looks away from her for a moment.

"That you thought I was the lady with the sad eyes and the fantastic legs." She smiles now, a little bit of light dancing in her eyes. Ever since Jim admitted that to her one dark night in the desert she liked to mention it every now and then.

"Hey now, I admit you were like twenty percent…"

"I'd like to think it was eighty."

"LIKE TWENTY percent of the reason I followed you to the ends of the earth. Mac, I've learned so much about life, from you, from those guys that we broke bread with, about family, about me. I have a whole new appreciation for everything. However, I reached a point that it was time to take all of that and use it in the real world. We had to return home sometime, right?"

She nodded. "But I'm no better for leaving. It's like time stopped for me and I still haven't moved on."

There was a long silence between the two of them. Not uncomfortable by any means, but long.

"I don't know if I can do this." She started again. "Jim, there's something inside of you. I've seen it in you for a very long time. You may lack practical experience, but I think you're going to be good at this news game. "

Jim looks at her, perplexed, wondering where she is going with this line of thought.

"Charlie Skinner is giving me this job and I recognize that I'm probably setting myself up for the most monumental failure of my adult life. But I'm all in at this point, Jim. Just because I'm all in, doesn't mean I don't have an escape plan."

"Mac, where are you going with this?"

"If we get our feet in the door, we'll be good for a while. I give it a year, maybe even two. At some point, I will have to get my closure, and I'm not sure how I'm going to get it, either gracefully or some sort of total nightmare scenario. If it's the nightmare scenario, I want you to know that my job is yours."

"I don't understand…"

"Damn it Jim, if I can't work it out, I'm going to run away. It's my modus operandi. I'll be gone."

"Mac, what are you…"

"Jim," She pulled their foreheads together. "Without you, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be contemplating my second chance. You gave me my second chance and I'm damn well going to take it. The least I can do for you would be by teaching you everything I know and give you every chance to succeed. You're a good person Jim Harper and you're too proud to take something that's just given to you so instead I'm going to help you earn it." She lets go of his forehead and returns to an upright position. "Besides, if it all works out, sunshine and roses and all of that, you'll have your pick of jobs."

He's quiet for a while, contemplating what she has just told him. "But if it doesn't?"

She nods. "That's why I have an escape plan."


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Thanks for the feedback, everyone. I'm going on holiday now where there is no reliable internet access, so this will be the last update for at least a week.**

**Because this story is starting to move around the current season, 2x03 is the last episode I'll consider as part of this universe.**

**Original**** character alert: The cousin is all mine, but she's available for play dates. I'm also taking liberties with Mac's family and their backgrounds. I'm not trying to flush them completely out, but needed to put a few details in here and there. For example, could not locate a date when she was injured, so I picked something that sounded reasonable based on the time she was out reporting. Her parents are now Lord and Lady McHale. He would have been ambassador under Margaret Thatcher between 1979 - 1981, etc, etc, etc.**

* * *

12 June 2008  
Landstuhl Regional Medical Center  
Landstuhl, Germany

Jim Harper held his head in his hands and looked down at his dirty boots. After a moment, he sat up in the metal folding chair in the barren hospital hallway, looking both directions, seeing no one. He instinctively looked at his watch and had learned yet again, that it was broken. He knew how it happened, but he had been awake for days now, and his short term memory was seriously impaired. He leaned his head back to the wall, now staring at the standard ceiling tiles that adorned every single military building he had ever stepped in.

There was no way for him to know how long he had just been sitting there. Part of him was straining to hear the machines from the room he was sitting outside of. Sometimes he caught himself trying to block the sounds out so he couldn't hear anything. With no explanation immediately apparent, his drifting was broken by the distinct sounds of… a ruckus. Jim simply turned his head towards the sound now, head still planted to the wall. It probably looked quite demented, but he really could have cared less. His lack of reaction was a reflection of the state of shock he found himself in.

"I AM FAMILY and you will get me to her now!"

Rounding the corner was a woman that made Jim think of Audrey Hepburn. Dark hair piled on her head, albeit with strands free. Her neck is encased in big white pearls and she's wearing a slinky black sleeveless dress. Dark eyes, a stern face, but distinctly feminine. Yet she was tall, long legs and not slight by any means. Three or four nurses were trailing behind her as if they were trying to stop her and failing miserably.

He closed his eyes, because he wasn't quite sure what it was that he was seeing. A tall muscular version of Audrey Hepburn barreling towards him and she seemed strangely familiar. Sleep deprivation really alters ones state of mind, he thinks to himself. He opened his eyes again.

"Who the bloody hell are you?" She blasted at him.

He was taken aback. "Jim Harper." His voice was dry, almost like he hadn't spoken in a month.

"Why the hell aren't you in there?"

His brows knit at her. "I'm not family." He stuttered.

"He's family!" She yelled at the collection of nurses behind her. "Add it to your bloody list! Madeline Carter McHale and James Harper are FAMILY. Everyone else can go to hell!" She grabbed his arm and yanked him to his feet. She pulled him through the door and burst into Mackenzie's hospital room.

When the force of nature that was Madeline Carter McHale, assistant to the Consulate General of the United Kingdom in Munich, godparent to one of the grandchildren of the queen of England and most importantly, Mackenzie's cousin, saw the fragile figure in the hospital bed before her, she came to a stop. "Sweet Jesus."

* * *

"Consulate-General for the United Kingdom, how may I direct your call?"

"This is James Harper calling for Madeline Carter McHale on behalf of Mackenzie Morgan McHale."

There's a pause that seems like a lifetime before the operator responds. "One moment please."

"James?" The clip female voice asks. "Is it Mac?"

"Hi Maddy and yes, the shit has hit the fan."

"I'd chastise you for your language, but I'm going to assume that's a fairly apt description. Where is she?"

"She's at work. I'm not there, but I have a trusted friend getting her in a cab to you."

"Posh about the cab, I'm going to abuse consulate power on this one. I'm sending a car. Give me the address."

Jim rattles off the address of the building. "Have it go to the service entrance."

"Of course and how bad is it?"

"I'm pretty sure it's the worst possible case scenario Maddy."

"This is two she's in for with you."

"No, we're good. Goodbye Maddy. Take care of our girl."

"Always."

* * *

13 June 2008

Landstuhl Regional Medical Center  
Landstuhl, Germany

Jim learned that the woman known as Madeline Carter McHale worked best when she worked a situation. Madeline got him a cot, clean clothes, a little something to eat. She was on the phone in the room, constantly, arranging things. Jim was finally able to relax a little now that he knew Mac wasn't going to be alone and he did finally fall asleep at some point. Jim knew that Madeline had spoken to Lord McHale and Lady McHale, Mac's parents, reassuring them while at the same time making sure they stayed at home. She was dictating care instructions for him, for Mac, having Mac's family prep for Mac's arrival home in England. He was certain she was even working her own day job because there seemed to be a lot of conversations with the word diplomatic in them all at the same time.

Sometime that afternoon, she hovered over the cot Jim was resting in. "James, darling?" She asked. Jim stirred and was not startled to see Madeline so close to him. For whatever reason, her arrival on the scene allowed him to finally come down from the adrenaline high that had been pushing him from the moment Mac was injured until her successful surgery. Madeline was a strange motherly comfort and took care of all the things that he couldn't even begin to comprehend.

"Hi," he said groggily. "What's going on Madeline?"

"Maddy, James, we're family now."

"You can call me Jim."

"I'm British, we give people we love absurd nicknames and it's either James or Jimmy Bean. It's your choice."

He gave her a very goofy smile. "James is fine. What's going on Maddy?"

"James, I'm at of a bit of a loss. She's still resting, but she's been talking a little. She's been asking for William, and I'm not sure what to do." She bit her bottom lip and rolled her eyes to the ceiling. Madeline knew everything about Mackenzie and Will McAvoy and was mildly concerned that she might be betraying her cousin's trust if she said anything about that relationship.

Madeline stepped back as Jim eased into a sitting position, rubbing his eyes as he spoke. "During the worst of it, she was so lost, she called for him, but she was so unaware of where she was or what was happening. I ended up lying to her; I told her that he was coming. It's not true, they haven't spoken in months and I have no way to reach him. I know she was sending him emails, but I have never ever heard her mention that he's responded."

"Do you know what happened between them? The God's truth of what really absolutely happened?"

Jim shook his head. "No idea. I just know it ended badly and she's holding herself responsible."

Madeline sighed. "Well, she was responsible, but he was very unforgiving." She retreated to her visitor chair that was located next to the telephone that had become part of her existence in Mackenzie's hospital room.

Jim watched her and he sensed that she was going to either tell him something more than he already knew or was going to ask him about something. He could sense that, but he couldn't guess which way it was going to go.

She looked at Mackenzie for a long time before she spoke to Jim again. "I'm going to ask you something James and I will accept if you're not going to answer, but I need to know something."

"Yeah, of course, I'll tell you anything you want to hear."

She looked at him and half smiled. "Don't tell me what you think I want to hear, just the truth. When it happened, what did she do?"

Jim's eyes narrowed. "After she was stabbed, you want to know what she did?"

Madeline nodded, waiting for her answer.

He thought about it for a minute. What did she do? What did Mackenzie do? It took him a minute to remember and even a few seconds longer to form the words. "She tried to walk away. Almost run away and when I tried to stop her she…" He looked distant for a minute.

"Go on," She said softly.

"She tried to climb up me? Does that even sound right?"

To Jim's astonishment, Madeline giggled abruptly and clapped her hands once. "Our girl is going to be just fine." Before Jim could question his bewilderment, she launched into her story. "When we were young Mackenzie and I were always getting into some sort of mischief around the house. When she became really scared that we would be in real trouble for something we had done, she'd run away and then manage to get herself to the highest place she could manage. There's this great, impressive really, plane tree on the grounds and she would scale that thing like a wild animal. Dress and shoes be damned. I asked why she did that, why she would run away and climb up that tree. She told me that it was cathartic the act of running and climbing that helped her manage whatever it was she was unable to manage. So the fact that she tried to even do that tells me – even though I am not a doctor – she's was going to overcome her injury. That she's going to fight this."

* * *

To Sloan's astonishment, Jim was correct. The moment she got out of the express elevator and bolted up the two flights to the rooftop and though the exit, she found Mackenzie leaning over the balcony, trying to hold in her racking sobs and failing dismally. Sloan could hear Jim's words echoing in her mind. _Grab her purse because she's going to need her passport. Mac will have literally run away and will have tried to get to the highest possible place she can. Get to the rooftop, she'll be there._

"Mackenzie!" Sloan half yelled to her as she closed the distance.

Mackenzie tried to stutter Sloan's name but failed. The sadness was consuming her.

"Mac, listen to me. I'm here to get you and put you in a cab. You're going to see your cousin, okay?"

Mackenzie tried to shake her head no, but was just too distraught to mange even that action. She just let out a long sob. Sloan tried to be motherly by wrapping her arm around Mackenzie, but it was hard because she was trying to manage her purse and Mac's handbag. Sloan's phone rang and it gave her the chance to rethink that awkward embrace as she fished for her phone.

"This is Sloan Sabbath."

"She's sending a car. Look for a car with diplomatic plates at the service entrance." Jim said.

"Got it." Sloan abruptly ended the call. As soon as she did, she heard ringing again. She looked that the phone in her hand and it took her a moment to realize it wasn't her phone ringing. It was coming from Mac's purse that was slung over her shoulder.

Mackenzie sniffled. "Is that..?"

"NO. NO. NO. NO." Sloan said. She dropped her purse, fished the ringing cell phone out of Mackenzie's bag, glanced at the name on the screen and flung the phone off the rooftop balcony. "Leaving. Now."

Mackenzie in shock watched her cell phone fly off the roof as Sloan grabbed her wrist and lead her off the rooftop.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: So, I'm sorry this is so, choppy, for lack of a better term. I was having a hard time putting people in their place to get to Mac and Maddy. I have the ending written - Maddy has her chance and Will before the end - but the in between is still coming together. I've been distracted by Real Life, another short story about Will I'm working on - currently called The Devil and Peter Cetera - and trying to hash out an idea where the women of the Newsroom suddenly become obsessed with 50 Shades of what-its. **

**Plus, I take comfort in the fact that there have been some serious kick ass stories filling the void. TerryJ I'm looking in your general direction.**

* * *

"How did you get up here with no shoes?" Sloan asked Mackenzie as she led her down the two flights of emergency stairs back to the elevator bank.

Mac sort of shrugged as she sniffled. Hearing and promptly losing her cell phone brought her out of her abject misery for the short term, but she was nowhere near ready to function in full sentences.

"When we get in the elevator, sit on the ground so I can have a look, okay?"

Mackenzie nodded and slid onto the floor of the elevator once Sloan ushered her into it. Sloan checked the soles of her feet. No immediate first aid needed, but she looked at Mackenzie and just said to her that "They're going to hurt like a bitch tomorrow."

Mac nodded in agreement.

"Listen, we're going to the back of the building, the service entrance. Your cousin is sending a car."

Mackenzie's face scrunched up at once. "Maddy?"

"Yes. You should know that I kind of walked in on that whole thing down there."

Mackenzie groaned a little.

"I knew at once I was out of my depth so I called Jim. Jim called her. Once you get to her, Jim says you need to call Charlie and take your two weeks, okay?"

Mackenzie's eyes were brimming with tears and when she tilted her head to nod yes, they spilled out.

* * *

The car was dark and familiar. All of the town cars were the same and that uniformity was a comfort as she sank into the seat. Once the door shut behind her and the car began to move, she melted into it and resumed to sob. She thought that maybe if she cried hard enough, the pain would leave her. That it would just escape her and she could start over somewhere else again. She had this unspoken desire to get all of the irrational behavior out now so that she could appear to be a functioning adult.

Will deserves to be happy, right? The only thought that she could manage was that she wanted for him is to be happy and that she didn't even come close to providing that to him. Because he was looking for something that he found somewhere else. Then she let the doubt that she couldn't begin to verbalize in the past few months creep into her thoughts. He says that he trusted me, but did he really?

A small voice in the back of her head danced at the edge of morose thoughts. Perhaps he didn't want to hurt you. That he knew that he could easily hurt you with the most casual of responses. That even though, over time, those people around them could see the way that you communicated and the gentle jabs were that of a work relationship that had its roots long before the team around them graduated high school, you never left that high school phase of emotion, by taking everything to the extreme.

She desperately wanted to return to initial response of eerie calm before the run, if you will. That was what she needed to find herself back to, especially before she stepped foot in front of her cousin that had nothing but vitriol for Will from the moment she learned about their relationship. In fact, the only person Maddy hated more was Brian, because Maddy blames herself more for that failed relationship. Maddy was always there to help her talk things though and just by sheer circumstance wasn't available when she was dating Brian. Looking back, Mackenzie was sure that Maddy wouldn't have been much help, but Maddy carried that guilt with her anyway.

She was going to be at the embassy soon enough and Mackenzie desperately tried to pull herself together.

* * *

Sloan Sabbath was in the janitor's closet back on the newsroom floor. She took stock of the cleaning supplies and began to dilute anything that might possibly be able to remove coffee stains from carpet. Until this came to some sort of resolution, she was determined that Will would be constantly reminded every day he was in the office that Mac was gone because of his actions. She was going to make sure that they would have to cut the carpet out before it was going to be cleaned on her watch.

* * *

Charlie Skinner liked to jump off the subway a few stations early to walk to the office. He just could not bring himself to use a machine in a gym to get his regular exercise. It also gave him the chance to field the occasional phone call he didn't need everyone on the subway to hear. So when his phone rang and an international number appeared on the screen, he slowed his pace and ducked into the nearest alcove he could find.

"This is Charlie Skinner. Who is this?"

A distinctly British female voice responded. "Mr. Skinner, hold for Mackenzie Morgan McHale please."

Charlie pulled the phone away from his ear and looked at the number, confused. "Mac?" he asked.

"Charlie?" It was almost a whisper.

Charlie turned his head towards the wall of the building he ducked next to take the call. "Mac, is that you? I can hardly hear you."

"I need to take my two weeks." It was still not much louder, but at least Charlie understood her.

"Mac is everything okay?" He prodded.

"No, it's not. I'll let you know in two weeks."

"Mackenzie, you're scaring me."

"I'm sorry." With that, the phone call was over.

Charlie leaned against the building for a few moments. Well, he knew it had to do with Will, he was sure of that. He started running through his mind what might have been going on. Will had not been by his office as much in the evenings lately, but until this moment, Charlie didn't think much of it. The show seemed to be going well, so he didn't think that had anything to do with it. Charlie groaned a little and wondered what exactly would be waiting for him once he made his way to the building.

He stayed there out on the street for about ten minutes before he started to walk to the office. He was going to have to face Will at some point, because based on the phone call he received, he suspected that Will McAvoy would be waiting in his office for him.

* * *

"So do you want to tell me what's going on?" Charlie asked Will as he walked into his office. He found Will exactly as expected, in his usual spot, his head in hands, looking at the ground.

"Ah, Charlie, I fucked up."

"Well, that was a given." He bellowed.

"No, Charlie, I mean,"

"You fucked up. I know. I just had to grant your Executive Producer a two week leave, no questions asked as stipulated in her contract."

He glared at Charlie. "What?"

"Mackenzie had a clause in her contract that she could take without any advance notice a two week leave, no questions asked. So I had to grant it. Based on the tone and inflection in her voice and the fact that she called me from a foreign number, I can safely surmise that YOU FUCKED UP. So can we stop with the games and you tell me what's going on?"

"Ah, Jesus Charlie, I've been dating Nina Howard and Mac found out in the most spectacularly of fucked up ways you can imagine."

Charlie groaned. "What? She walked in on you and Nina having sex?"

Will didn't answer.

"SHE WALKED IN ON YOU AND NINA HAVING SEX?" Charlie bellowed. "You're a fucking idiot, Will! Get the hell out of my office. I don't want to see you for… no, you keep your ass right here. I've got to go get your team in order since News Night will be without you or your EP's services for the next two weeks. Now I know why that idiot orange cat hates Mondays. It's like I'm a damned schoolmarm and I have keep the kids in line. You're a God damn moron!"

* * *

"Just cry it out on the plane. Come on, we're going to be late."

Mackenzie wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "I have absolutely nothing with me. I can't take a transatlantic trip with a handbag!"

"Sure you can! You've always been so damned lucky with things off the rack and they have this amazing thing called the Internet and they have it on the planes! We can order you a whole damn wardrobe and it will be waiting for us at Heathrow! Unlike me, having to have my Amazonian clothing tailored to fit."

"What about your date? Don't tell me you didn't have a date lined up for your own mother's wedding."

"Carlos? Well, one, he's a bodyguard for the Spanish and two; he had to go guard a body, so I have an extra plane ticket. Not to mention this is like the forty second time she's been married. Besides, mother will be much more pleased with me bringing you along instead. Maybe I won't get a box of coal for Christmas this year."

"Wait, Aunt Lizbeth gave you a box of coal for Christmas?"

"Yes and of course, the coal was from Kellingley Colliery in North Yorkshire and the wooden crate was hand-carved. Actually really quite lovely and funny as all get out. But never-mind that! There will be scores of people there, and I heard that even the Vicomte de Chagny is going to be there! I want you to dance yourself stupid and have all the boys falling all over you."

Mackenzie paused. "Wait. That's not a real title. That's from a musical!"

"The Vicomte de Chagny or at least the handsome bloke that plays him is going to be there. Come on, live a little bit! We have got to shake you out of this cycle of self-torture you've been caught up in for the last eighteen months or however long it's been. It's time to go home Mac and see your family. Besides, I'm pretty sure they've figured out that you and William are not getting back together."

Mackenzie's eyes welled up. "You don't have to be so blunt about it."

"Yes I do, because I can't see you like this. I've wanted to punch that handsome face of his since I saw you in that hospital in Germany. As far as I'm concerned, he did that to you."

"You can't hold him responsible for a random stabbing!"

"I can because he put you there. He didn't fly you to the Middle East himself, but he emotionally drove you there and I can't at this moment find it anywhere in my black heart to forgive him for it. Right, now come on, we can hash this out on the plane. Of course, we're going to have to raid the Ambassador's wife's closet for shoes since you seem to be lacking a pair. Six and one half on the shoe size right? What's that to the Americans again? Two up or two down?"

"Maddy, I shouldn't go." Mackenzie whined. Then she sighed. "Two up."

"No, you're going. I should have done this the first time around when he crushed your heart into a thousand pieces."

"Well, to be fair, I started it."

"No, you were manipulated by a man and I am ever so sorry I was holed up in Japan when Brian "can't write his way out of a paper sack without insulting somebody" Brenner got his hands on you. Besides, if William is still cold hearted enough to blame you then I'm sure as hell going to blame him." Madeline crouched down to look at Mackenzie straight in the face. "You know I love you and I mean it, cry it out on the plane. You look about halfway through your misery and once we are on the ground at home, your head will be clear and you can decide what you really want to do with your future, alright?"

"Okay." Sometimes, there was no fighting with her cousin. A single tear streamed from her eye because it made her think of Will. Sometimes, there was no fighting with him either.

Yet, sometimes, there was.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: So glad to read that I'm not the only one wrecked by the last episode. Here's my next piece. Sorry if it's rough, I don't have a beta at the moment. I write all over the place - and we still have a ways to go. You can visit my Tumblr for spoilers, if you like.

* * *

"I um, just wanted to let you know that you won't be able to get a hold of Mac via her cellphone." Sloan searched around the newsroom, waiting for Charlie or Will to pounce on her. Neither one were anywhere in her sight, but she still spoke low anyway.

Jim looked up at Sloan from his desk like she had three heads. "Why?"

"While we were making our escape, Nina Howard called her and I uh, panicked and threw it off the roof of the building."

Jim's initial response was to swallow his laughter. He wasn't laughing at the fact that it was Nina Howard that called but what Sloan admitted. "You threw her cellphone off the roof of the building?"

"I said I panicked."

"Obviously you did." He rolled his eyes. "Well, that sort of sucks for us but that's probably the best thing for her. I can get a hold of her if it's truly necessary."

"How would we do that Jim?" She asked, leaning in like a conspirator.

"No. I know she's out of the picture, but I am not about to become your new best friend."

"Oh, wait the embassy!" Sloan said, her face lighting up.

"Shh!" Jim said, now looking around the newsroom to see if anyone heard her. Satisfied that no one else did, he nodded.

* * *

He just wants to be in the same place as she is. He wants to be in the same room as her. He even thinks at this point that he just wants to be in her, but none of these things are coming to pass. He's back in his office now, under strict orders from Charlie that he's to come into work every day for the next two weeks, checking in with him in the morning and checking out when he leaves. He is not allowed to be on air and he's fine with that because if he can't have her there producing him, he has no desire to be on the air.

Will is on his fourth cigarette of the morning while he holds his Blackberry in his other hand, using his thumb to keep calling her number. Her phone isn't even ringing; all of the calls are going straight to voice mail. He's heard the voice mail greeting easily a hundred times this morning, but he keeps at calling her in hopes that it will actually ring and give him some sort of indication that she's there. The staff is in the office now and whatever Charlie told them worked, because with the exception of Jim lingering a little too close to his office earlier for his liking, the rest of the staff stayed far away.

"This is Mackenzie McHale, leave me a message and I'll call you back as soon as I can."

He hasn't left her a message. He can't leave her a message because he really doesn't know what he would even begin to say. Not to mention since he learned that none of their phone messages were confidential, he never left her messages anymore, even about the mundane. But there was nothing mundane about today, nothing at all.

"This is Mackenzie McHale, leave me a message and I'll call you back as soon as I can."

He's trying to decide if he's more upset that she learned about the relationship or how she learned the relationship. The two thoughts keep shifting back and forth in his mind. He wasn't trying to hide the fact that he was dating someone but if that were the case, he chastised himself, she would have known since the beginning. Then there was the stunt this morning. It was just an idea that came into his mind very early this morning and if he were to really think about it was to service a fantasy of his and nothing more.

"This is Mackenzie McHale, leave me a message and I'll call you back as soon as I can."

More than once he had thought about how his office was as much a home to him as his own apartment. He had spent countless hours in his office and it was a place where he sought refuge from the outside world on many occasions. He entertained in his office, held confidential conversations there. He didn't think it was strange or abnormal, based on the amount of time he spent in the office, to have fantasies about women in his office.

"This is Mackenzie McHale, leave me a message and I'll call you back as soon as I can."

The thought of women wasn't right. Every fantasy was about her. He never thought about using his office in that way before she had interjected herself back into his life. He caught himself testing the sturdiness of his desk once, after one show in particular; he fumbled the close of the show or something and shortly thereafter she had pushed him against the wall, giving him hell, her skin flushed with her anger. It took all of his energy to keep his eyes from straying and looking down her blouse that was open and exposing the soft skin above her breasts.

"This is Mackenzie McHale, leave me a message and I'll call you back as soon as I can."

He had the passing thought that maybe he could replace the images of her with something real; to replace the visions he had of Mackenzie wrapping her legs around him, her head tipping back and his name on her lips. He also imagined her perched on his table all leg dangling in front of him, eyes locked and her hand on her chin, face tilted with a come hither look. He wanted to replace it with a real woman, with real events other than his overactive imagination that seemed to haunt him. Instead he replaced it with a different haunting image; of her face with the combination of shock and dismay all over it. Not to mention the massive coffee spill that lingered in his doorway.

"This is Mackenzie McHale, leave me a message and I'll call you back as soon as I can."

The knock at his door shakes him from his thoughts. He's about ready to unleash a stream of hot anger at whomever it is, but just can't because of who it turns out to be. His guest gently pushes in the glass door after the knock.

"Hey Will. I've brought some bagels." Dr. Jack Habib says, holding a white paper bag in front of him.

Will's voice is low and dark. "I'm not talking to you."

The doctor shrugs. "Based on what very little I know about the situation and what I do know about you, I seriously doubted you would. But I will tell you that your friend, Charlie, is concerned. So if anything, let's have breakfast. I'm going to sit here for a while and you don't have say anything and everyone out there starts to feels better."

Will has a sour look on his face, but he points to the table as he sets down his Blackberry on his own desk. A small price to pay to keep the staff away, he supposes. The good doctor comes in, looking as young as he is with his brown suede jacket and complementing messenger bag. He proceeds to make himself at home, ignoring the bagels and pulling out a book and notepad as he sits at the table in Will's office.

* * *

It wasn't traditional, but the look was well suited to him. It was a black jacket above a black shirt and a black tie. His hair swept up, less conservative than he would wear for a broadcast. Those lines that seemed to be prenatally etched in his face were faded today. He looked relaxed, he looked happy as he stood on Bow Bridge, looking out over the water in Central Park. Mackenzie almost didn't want to disturb him, content from her vantage point at the edge of the bridge watching him as a gentle breeze rustled the autumn leaves around them. Then the vision of Nina Howard wearing a Versace princess wedding dress walking towards him from the opposite end of the bridge startled Mackenzie awake somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean. She peered out the window she was seated to and all she could see was darkness far and wide. The seat immediately to her right was empty but its missing occupant was not too far away.

"So I asked Carolina Herrera what one wears to their mother's seventh wedding and her response was 'Whatever you want!' So as much as I was tempted by a grey little baby doll number with an obnoxious red bow I went for a navy number with ruffles that made me think of waves. It was a few years old – not the newest thing mind you, but it seemed fitting since I would be crossing an ocean to get there." There were some polite giggles. "So, tell me what you think of this for my darling cousin over there. She's not as immodest as me, but she needed something. I was thinking of this Sarah Burton number?" There were some polite mumbles that Mackenzie couldn't make out. "Yeah, I thought of that as well. This one has to be the one then. It's by a lady named Jenny Yoo."

Mackenzie couldn't decide if she was going to intervene or just let Madeline handle everything because she didn't want to fight. It had been a while since she actually been on an airplane and she had a feeling if she didn't continue to hydrate, she would be in serious trouble. She reluctantly hit the call button and in a flash, everyone in first class was on her. "What can we do for you dear?" The older looking air waitresses, if that was the correct term anymore, asked her.

"Some more water, please." The air waitress scooted away as Madeline, dressed in black linen pants and a white V-neck cotton shirt, flung herself into the seat next to her. Two other air waitresses examined the tablet computer she left with them, glanced at Mackenzie and back to the tablet. "Jenny Yoo." They said together, handing the tablet back to Madeline. In a flash, the first air waitress was back with two large bottles of Evian.

"Thank you for everything Ladies!" Madeline waved her hands and the gaggle of air waitresses dispersed. "How's it going Sleeping Beauty?"

Mackenzie slumped in her seat. "I've been sleeping for shit, actually."

"I figured as much, that's why I left. You were being rather fitful in your seat. The upshot is that I did all your shopping for you and with the click of this button – and done – everything you need will be waiting for us at my flat. We'll have our own little hen party before we drive into the country in the morning."

"Maddy, I am not feeling very social at the moment."

"Who said anything about being social? I'm saying blind stinking drunk my girl because you very much need it."

Mackenzie started to gulp down her bottle of water. Yes, it was time to hydrate indeed.


	6. Chapter 6

The hours have rolled by quickly. She keeps feeling like that she needs to stop and catch her breath. Almost as if she's been running a marathon nonstop for… years. The weather is cold and she had nothing more on her than the clothes she had been wearing for… well, it had to be days at this point. Her borrowed flats and the pencil skirt, pantyhose with runs in them and the oversized gray sweater Madeline insisted she wear makes her look as she feels: small. The weather in London is seasonably cold, but the torrential downpour was something that even the locals are taken aback by. There's always some sort of precipitation in London in November, a few more days and it could have been snow, but with the volumes now, London would have been buried under drifts of snow for the rest of the year. It's daylight, but Mackenzie has no idea what time it actually is. The cold is actually a welcome distraction from… well, from everything.

Mackenzie is back in her place as a pale comparison to her cousin (which suits her just fine for once) as Madeline changed before landing. Madeline was wearing long black pants, white dress shirt, and grey necktie with a matching black jacket with a pair of black spiked Christian Louboutin boots with a five inch heel; her long brown hair piled artfully on top of her head making her height jump higher from an already intimidating 6'3". Mackenzie used to tease that it was the Annie Hall look, but Maddy would always retort that Annie Hall favored vests and not men's jackets. They make quite the pair and from far away, Mackenzie thinks as they wait for a car, they probably look like mother and daughter instead of the sisters that they are most often mistaken for. Mackenzie isn't short, but when Madeline abuses her height, it sure as hell makes her feel like it.

When they arrive to Madeline's flat, it's like Mackenzie's own personal Christmas. The place is not big to begin with, (because even Madeline will tell you that's it is only a place to sleep and have breakfast and she could do those two things anywhere) but it is distinctly McHale, if there is such a thing. Books upon books, every inch of the walls are covered with framed mirrors, artwork or photographs. It is Madeline's sanctuary of sorts, but she's dismissive about it, as with everything else in her life. However the sitting area is covered in bags and boxes from Harrods. "Madeline! Did you rob the store?"

Madeline wraps her arm around her cousin, pecking a quick kiss on Mackenzie's temple. "Just call it all of your birthday and Christmas gifts for the next seven years or so. Now, I do have to scoot to work for a bit. My home is yours so unpack or sleep or what have you. Only thing I ask is that you not leave, I don't want you wandering the streets of London alone. Grocery delivery should be along soon enough."

Tears begin to prick at Mackenzie's eyes as she nods in understanding and the moment is broken as a knock on the door sends Madeline on her way to collect the aforementioned groceries. Mackenzie is a touch sad, because she is overwhelmed from the unconditional love and understanding from her cousin. She knows that tough love is coming later this evening in the form of their own personal hen party and she decides to save those tears and her gratefulness for her love and swooping in like a mother bird to save her from herself for later.

The two of them get the kitchen to rights; Mackenzie to work on tea and Madeline putting groceries away. When she's done, Madeline fishes a long grey satin camisole out of one of the many bags and makes sure that Mackenzie has a moment to peel herself out of her "New York" clothes. While Mackenzie changes, Madeline makes for Mackenzie her perfect cucumber sandwiches, gives her another quick kiss and is gone, her warmth very much not forgotten.

Mackenzie doesn't even get more than one bag open before she drifts off to sleep on her cousin's couch, like a toddler on Christmas morning, holding a solitary piece of tissue paper in her right hand.

* * *

It, the overbearing silence, was long enough for his liking. "Why are you here?"

"Because it bothers me a little bit that there have been major events in your life that I have to find out about from your friends instead of you. I understand that we have a different kind of relationship Will, but while I understand your duality when it comes to telling me things, it's come to a point where I need to call you out on it."

"Can I say that I didn't mean it?" Will said, stomping out his seventh cigarette.

"Didn't mean what exactly, Will?"

"I was dating a very nice woman until about eight hours ago. I wasn't flaunting it. I didn't think it would last very long and I didn't tell anyone about it. I was trying to move on. You, if anyone can appreciate that." He looked at the doorway. "Then Mac found in the way I didn't want her to and the look on her face…"

The silence in his office was heavy. Dr. Habib offered no words, giving Will a chance to finish the thought.

"It was like looking into a mirror of the devastation that I felt a long time ago." Will looks down at his hands, almost ashamed of the words.

"So you consciously achieved what your subconscious has been trying to do for months. Congratulations, how does it feel to have hurt Mackenzie?"

"Your sarcasm is not appreciated." Will responds.

"Can I ask you how many times that we've had this conversation? Because it seems like a lot to me. Every action you've taken to this point is a reflexive one. You've been desperately trying to make up for the fact that you couldn't or wouldn't be mad at her then. I've read the notes, I know what happened but I need you to talk about those first few weeks and months after she was gone. What did you do?"

Will leaned back in his chair, and gave the question serious thought. "Nothing."

Habib nodded in affirmation. "Nothing. Tell me about nothing, Will. What does nothing entail for Will McAvoy?"

Will paused a moment and looked away and seriously contemplated the question.


End file.
